As a little girl I always loved to read. So much so that my bookbag was laden with books everyday going to school. This frustrated my mother as she had to keep buying me bookbags during the school year because of the weight of the books. She would always say "You must think you're going to university with all these books on your back!" At that age I didn't even know what that meant. I would take books and hide behind my bed where I would tuck into a little corner near a door with a window so I could read.
It seemed that every little girl had a diary. But I didn't. I remember thinking that I didn't want anyone to read my thoughts. I'd just keep them in my head. That way nobody would ever know. I didn't want anyone in my house finding my dairy and reading it. I was extremely quiet, but my head was always filled with thoughts of what I wanted to be when I grew up and how much I knew I never wanted to grow up as an adult in my island. I wanted to get away. But I didn't dare write those thoughts anywhere. I was bullied a lot and thought about that a lot too. Many things I could have written but never did.
That all changed in college. Those were some hard days being an international student in a still brand new country. And at the same time trying to balance carrying my weight as the top player on the university's Tennis Team and having to perform so I could keep my scholarship and and the same time keep up my grades as a Biology and Chemistry major. Then this Christian walk thing. It was hard. All the pressures had me writing my thoughts down. Because I couldn't tell anybody how I truly felt. I was a LEADER. Even though I didn't want to be. I kept my thoughts to myself so I wouldn't be judged. So I journaled.
After college, I carried those journals around. But didn't write in them for years. Until things started going crazy during my marriage. By this time, I was a new mommy and the domestic abuse had started. I'd began to lose myself; depressed from knowing I was not living up to my potential as well as now dealing with low self-worth.